I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
