So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
