Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
