ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
