Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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