I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
