Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
