Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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