I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize