Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
