he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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