Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize