Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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