Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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