At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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