You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
