How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
