onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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