I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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