It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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