How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
