I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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