so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Can Purell be used as lube?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
