I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
