Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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