Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
