i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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