this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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