I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
