listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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