I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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