I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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