In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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