I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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