dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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