good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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