i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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