Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
