every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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