Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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