I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
