Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
