There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
