yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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