farters have to be the big spoon...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
