I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
