I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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