He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
