I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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