There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
