I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
