I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize