1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?