fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.