I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.