separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
