I met the friendliest cop last night
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
