yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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