Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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