I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
