I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
