I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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