My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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